How I Selected a Presidential Candidate to Support: Part I

The presidential debates are here and the country can't stop mootin' and hollerin'. As you may or may not know, I currently reside in Washington, DC - a hot bed of political activity even though we're all technically just staying in the country and not represented by the government. The District almost always votes democrat, but there are some loud activists for most causes. Debate can occur around any corner, be it at a local bookstore in Dupont Circle, late night at a bar in Georgetown, or even on a stroll through Rock Creek Park. In this environment, I find it more necessary than ever to come to a decision about who I support in the next elections, especially for President of the United States.

As I sat around last weekend, I started to ponder what an important choice this would be. My decision will shape the conversations I will have with friends and associates who cannot stop talking about politics even when we're kicking back a few at 2:30 in the freakin' morning and I can't put together a coherent sentence, let alone explain why John McCain's stance on immigration might be flawed or why Hillary Clinton's gender might cost our country diplomatic ties in the Middle East due to cultural differences with other nations. My decision will determine which bumper sticker I will pick up at a free table and then leave in my room to collect dust since I don't own a car. My decision may even determine who wins this election... but it probably won't since there are so many people in this country and my area is going to give their electoral votes to the democratic candidate. Taking time to decide may be futile...


Oh shit!!! I'm sorry P Diddy... no, I promise I'm going to vote! I swear!! Don't kill me!

Huh? OK, I'll take a t-shirt...

Awesome! Now I'm being an activist, but I'm totally super trendy as well (which is obviously more important) and I can hang out with awesome celebrities like Mya and Fitty. If these sexy, famous people want me to vote, who am I to tell them "No." And speaking of sexy, here comes Paris Hilton. Hey Paris, what has two thumbs and just got traded for a carton of cigarettes to the 300 pound tattooed woman in Cell Block D who got arrested when she shot up a Denny's when her Moons Over My Hammy was too cold?

Crap, you already knew that one, huh? Nice shirt though.

Anyway, the fine citizens of the "Vote or Die" campaign have convinced me my decision is important...much too important to be taken lightly. I need more time to mull this over and I'll announce my decision proudly to the world soon.

What's in a nickname?

It's been a long time coming. Now that Lost has been over for nearly two weeks, I'm finally getting to write about one of current TV's great bad-asses: James Ford, who you likely know as "Sawyer." Now crashing on a deserted island is always going to be rough. People are injured or dying, no guarantee of food or fresh water, and the comforts of home are a mere memory. Now you have two choices in this situation: you can whine about how terrible your life is (see: Shannon) or you can start looting everyone else's stuff. Sawyer knows what's going on, he knows he needs to take care of himself, and he is happy to cause a stir in the process.

Not only is Sawyer willing to cause tension to mount between other castaways by hoarding medicine, guns, books, and all sorts of other goodies, he's sure to throw in a condescending nickname in the process. Take Jack, for example. Hi Jack!


You just missed it, but right before this picture was taken, Jack got really intense, had a long flashback all of us could see, spoke about how his job as a surgeon has led him to make some heroic decision (e.g. "I can't let her die!"), almost cried, and then counted to 5 and was fine.

Anyways, Jack and Sawyer don't always get along. While Sawyer typically does not get anyone to side with him, he just seems to have fun getting under the "Doc's" skin. Let's have a fun look back at all the nicknames Sawyer gave to the island's resident surgeon:

- Amarillo Slim
- Chico
- Cool Hand
- Cowboy
- Daniel Boone
- Doc
- Dr. Do Right
- Dr. Giggles
- Dr. Quinn
- The Hero
- Hoss
- Jackass
- El Jacko
- Metro
- Sheriff
- St. Jack
- The Doc

But how can you blame him from enjoying making others miserable. He's lived this life for years since his "childhood tragedy" (I'll be safe in case some of you are still catching up with the show). Who else would have swiped a gun off the plane's air marshal? Charlie? Uh, not unless the gun shot delicious heroine into his mouth. Sawyer stole it, of course. And good thing, too...because guess what? He shot a bear!

Now even though he has softened up a little bit (honoring the "no nickname" bet with Hurley, becoming less selfish, getting all mushy and romantic with "Freckles," etc.), he's still got the cutting edge attitude necessary to survive on the island. And without Sawyer, there is going to be a lot of problems for the rest of the castaways. Sure, Sayid has the military background, Jack has the medical expertise, and Juliette knows the plans of the Others, but only Sawyer has the gritty determination to get things done right the first time and to test the limits of others. And that's because he's a bad-ass.

Side Note: Think I'm the only one who feels Sawyer's bad-ass mentality helps him own the island? Check out Dwight Schrute's blog from a while back where he discussed a Lost-Battlestar Gallactica crossover. My favorite part:

"Starbuck would shoot the unseen monster and Sawyer would say
something witty and sexy, like "Nice shot, blondie. Where'd you
learn to shoot a laser like that? From watching princess Leia?"

She would say, "Put a sock in it Sawyer" but the attraction would be
too much for them and they would have to start making out again."