Turtle Power!

I grew up a total Ninja Turtles kid. I watched other shows throughout my childhood, but TMNT remains the overall best television, movie, toy, and video game concept I encountered as a young lad. In fact, I own(ed):

- The entire original TMNT action figure set.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and TMNT II for Nintendo.
- A Donatello Halloween costume.
- TMNT Party Supplies (including hats, plates, cups, napkins).
- I once had a Donatello birthday cake for I want to say my fifth birthday.
- The Turtle Party Wagon (which was absolutely indestructable). Seriously...look at this thing and all the little intricate parts, then imagine me as a child rolling this thing at full speed across the room into walls because April was captured by the Foot Clan and needed to be saved, allowing her to then report the story for her news station:
(Quick side note: Why did the Channel 6 news make April O'Neil wear a yellow jumpsuit to report the news in? Was this common practice in the 1980's in New York City or is Burne Thompson just a terrible boss? The world may never know.)
- Casey Jones, Splinter, April O'Neil, Shredder, Krang, Beebop and Rocksteady action figures.
- A few of the TMNT videos.

Plus, I guarantee I'm forgetting other toys, how many times I watched the live-action movies, and my general life goal to become Donatello. Now I've entered the debate about the best turtle before and I never change my mind: regardless of Leonardo's leadership skills, Michaelangelo's laid back lifestyle and his reigning title as resident "party dude," or Raphael's innate ability to be both cool and rude simultaneously, Donatello did machines (And that's a fact, Jack!). He, along with my family connection to the College of the Holy Cross, made my favorite color purple growing up. He made me want to design crazy machines that, while sometimes malfunctioning in a hilarious fashion (see pizza machine that overheats and launches an entire pie onto Michaelangelo's head, resulting in him eating a slice and making a hilarious, episode-ending pun), helped the turtles and Splinter live better lives.

If you recall the live-action version of the show, the turtles lives in a pretty pimped-out sewer habitat...who do you think rigged all that stuff together? Vernon Fenwick? Why would he help April's friends? Obviously, Donatello did all that. He was that perfect combination of fighting technique, mechanical know-how, and humor that we can all embrace. Plus, the bowstaff kicked ass (how else were you going to beat Rocksteady in that warehouse without leaving that top platform?).

So why is this relevant, you ask? Well for one, you'll learn quickly that just because some pop culture reference didn't come up in conversation, it doesn't mean I won't mention it. Well, I bring up the Turtles because they have a new movie that was released this past week. When first noticing the trailer before another movie, I remember everyone I was with (including myself) being disappointed that the Turtles are being digitally created into an anime/CGI style. The trailer showed them leaping from tall buildings, running with super-human (err...turtle) speed, and being almost too dramatic. It was as if someone took my childhood bible, took a steaming dump on it, and told me to read it again.

Granted, I've since seen other ads that show that the quirkiness of the Turtles was not lost in this latest version. However, the children of today are not going to remember how hilarious and awesome the Turtles of my generation were. Yes, the story is about their defense of New York from villains such as Shredder and Baxter the Fly (Baxter Stockman's mutant persona). However, it was their personalities that made us fall in love. Any mutant superhero can save the day, but only the beloved Turtles could sit down afterwards and relax with an extra large pizza, a funny Michaelangelo moment, and listen to the wisdom of a mutant rat.

Anyways, the movie is getting average to bad reviews. I don't know if this is a good thing or not... it may preserve the original greatness of the cartoon and live action version but it's going to soil the great name of TMNT for future generations if it really is bad. I mean, come on, it can't be this awesome...



So the verdict...will I see it? Maybe...depends on if I'm willing to risk the disappointment. In the end, I'm sure I'll see it at some point.

One other point: Shredder's dead? How is James Avery going to get work when you keep killing his characters or ending his shows?!? I bet he's angry about this remake...let's see what he thinks:

WILL!!!!

See, he's pissed!

Well, what's done is done. How can we cope? We can hang onto clips like this to remember that no matter how many remakes come in the future, the original Green Machine will always live on in my heart...and these new turtles could never inspire a mediocre rapper to create a rap song on the spot.

Stayin' in it for the kids...and the Yankees

Let me get this out of the way quickly before people think otherwise: I'm a Red Sox fan. If you know me personally, I'm not guessing anyone is going to lose consciousness after reading that, but it's relevant to my take on this news story from ESPN.com. Seems Steve Swindal, due to some marital issues, will no longer be taking over the New York Yankees when Georgie-boy kicks the bucket. Wave to the people, George!



Anyways, as a Red Sox fan, I'm not a huge fan of the Yankees, but I do feel that I'm a reasonable fan at that (which can be rare in Red Sox Nation). I'm close friends with more true Yankees fans than true Red Sox fans, I understand we're not going to go on a 21-year World Series streak and catch up in the rings department, and I know Derek Jeter is probably one of the most driven athletes in baseball today. Don't believe me?



Mmmm, can't you just smell the work ethic? Anyways, regardless of how good any of them are or how successful the program is, in the end I'm pretty convinced Steinbrenner is the devil. Yes, Yankees fans, before you say it, I would trade places with you in a second. In fact, look at the Patriots this season and tell me we didn't get the Yankees of baseball.


I'd post it three times but you get the idea...besides, that's a story for another day. The big story of the day is that Steve Swindal just let control of one of the most storied professional sports franchises EVER slip out of his hands. This might be the modern day equivalent of William III of Orange planning the coup with Mary II, getting about halfway there, and then she decides "Know what? Nevermind. I'll take it from here." Swindal better be on suicide watch 24/7...

What I'm curious about is what he did. Did she just get sick of him or do you think something happened? Apparently, these "irreconcilable differences" are not keeping them from being friends. One hint could be this:
"Swindal was arrested by St. Petersburg police at about 4:30 a.m. on Feb. 15 and charged with driving under the influence, a misdemeanor."
Possibly a PR move to get rid of the bad role model, possibly a last straw. Either way, if you're in line to own the NEW YORK FREAKIN' YANKEES, you be good. You suck up to Mom, you bring George a box of cubans now and again, and you show an interest in the team. Hell, I'd act like a saint to get partial ownership of the Dallas Desperados.

The real story is Swindal probably pissed of George and the Boss made this divorce happen. But the moral of the story is when you're in line to have a phenomenal gift given to you, you don't want to piss off the person giving it.

Other Thoughts:
- The McLaughlin Group sketch from SNL is fantastic...I had damn near forgotten about it until today. SNL has been getting its legs back a little bit with the more youthful cast of Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, and Kristen Wiig. Somebody will be another Carvey or Ferrell soon, yeah? WRONG!

- No matter how nutritious it might be, Go-Gurt just seems like a disgusting concept. Yogurt in a tube, eh? More importantly, why do the kids need to be skateboarding to enjoy it?


- Why would you voluntarily call yourself Chone? It sounds like a sex term.

- Someone tell me if Salute Your Shorts is on DVD yet so I can begin my dissertation on why Pinsky was a drastic improvement over Michael. Also, I think I need to start dating a woman who has every zip code memorized just so I can stop looking them up online.

- Teddy Grahams have to be due for a comeback. They just have to be!

- Finally, I seriously need someone else to identify themselves as remembering the show "The Journey of Allen Strange." It was only 10 years ago and I feel like I'm the last person on earth to remember it. HE LIVED IN A FREAKIN' COCOON! Nobody?

Back for more tomorrow...

Wow, It's a Blog!

That's right, Billy...Hi, I'm Dan Cummings. You might remember me from such films as "Young Hercules II: Revenge of the Centaur" or "Ernest Goes to the DMV." Tonight, we're bringing you a special new concept: Seems the Danimal here transitioned somehow into adulthood and has a full-time job in beautiful Washington, D.C., home to the Washington Monument, Ford's Theater, and Fuddruckers. Therefore, he's going to need something to distract him from time to time. He also needs to stop talking in third person...

...but I digress.

So that's where this blog comes in. Now those of you who know me are aware that I have a little too much of my time dedicated to random pop culture and sports knowledge as well as my general curiousity about life. Because of this, when I was presented with the opportunity to write for the my school paper, I decided a column letting me spill some of this information onto a page would be a good idea and the Plethora was born. Originally started in the Fall of 2000 and appearing in the East Greenwich High School Spectrum, The Plethora featured random tidbits, musings, and overanalysis whatever seems to be on my mind. The Plethora ran from September of 2000 to May of 2002 in the Spectrum, followed by a hiatus briefly broken by a reappearance on MySpace. My crowning achievements included:
- Stating in September of 2001 that Drew Bledsoe was washed up and that Tom Brady should get a chance to start.
- Informing the school we had a bomb shelter under the quad AND inside the library.
- Giving myself something to try and boost my ego with 7 years down the road ("Hey, it's that guy from the Plethora!" "The what?" Precisely...)

Therefore, having held this information in to myself and those around me, I need to get rid of it once again. The Plethora is back...

Alright, so sit tight kids...I'm sure I'll decide to post soon (probably tomorrow). Until then, allow me to introduce Michael Winslow, star of the Police Academy Movies and organ donor...