Have Mercy!

How could I discuss the coolest people in sitcom history without bringing up the J-Man? Jesse Katsopolis (or Jesse Cochran as he was known for a season...he's so cool his last name can change for no reason) was the king of cool for 193 episodes of Full House. He brought suave back to primetime with his perfect quoff of black hair, his musical genius, and his bad-boy attitude that still managed to come across in such a domestic environment.

In fact, he's so kick-ass, he made us forget all about that "other" Uncle Jesse. Remember this guy? If you do, I think you might be a little old, watch a lot of TV Land, or you're training for some kind of weird TV show trivia competition.


Don't you point at me, you forgettable bastard...even though the Red-Headed Stranger tried to portray you in a movie, you suck! And nobody even try to make a case for him being better than the Uncle Jesse of San Francisco. Look at this....but not directly at it lest you burn your retinas:


I just peed myself a little bit...

What made us love the awesome Uncle Jesse was that he could be a good uncle/husband/father, a ladies man, a rock legend, and exterminator, an advertising executive, a successful radio DJ (Rush Hour Renegades!!! Comin' atcha!!!), owner of the Smash Club, a lumberjack that plays piano (Ranger Joe's sidekick "Lumberjack Jess"), a Professor that plays piano (for Joey's "Mr. Egghead" audition)... is there anything this man can't do? Other than wear Becky's fake pregnancy belt for 24 hours in order to win a bet and get Elvis wallpaper for the boys' nursery?

Of course, there was also the mysterious side of Uncle Jesse. He neglected to tell us about his marriage to his Greek cousin (walking around the table? eh?) or his real first name (Hermes). But he did manage to stay true to himself. He didn't sell out and start the international dance craze known as the J-Man (which was, for some reason, an Egyptian kind-of thing) and he instead overloaded our senses with his "Forever" video featuring what may or may not have been his babies (seriously...how can you tell?). Instead of giving in to the cheers of his peers and resurrecting Dr. Dare, he decided not to ride his motorcycle along the edge of a tall building. Even when the Rippers fell apart, he was happy to start up Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets. Whenever anyone needed a hand musically, he was there, be it DJ's school fundraisers, Joey's TV opportunities, Stephanie's birthday (featuring Tommy Page), or just rocking out with the Beach Boys.

In this crazy world of terrorist threats, lead poisoning, sex predators, identity theft, and global warming, there's always one person we can turn to in order to smile, learn a valuable lesson, and then hug while the audience claps and an upbeat, concluding guitar riff plays: Uncle Jesse. No matter what happens to you, we will remember you...forever...



John Stamos Update:
Uncle Jesse is now a big star again after a couple attempts at shows (Thieves, Jake in Progress) thanks to his role as Tony Gates on ER. It always seems like the staff of the show is taking advantage of UJ's Godlike features by causing him to randomly become soaked by water (e.g. sprinklers being set off, pouring rain, taking a shower). They know that sex sells...and so does being totally bad-ass.

He also married Rebecca Romijn (weird! He married a Becky in real life, too!). I wasn't planning on putting a picture of her up, but how can I pass up the chance?


Also, he still hangs out with the Full House crew from time to time and he's still as bad-ass as he was the first time he graced our televisions. If you want to learn more about the legend of Uncle Jesse, check out www.wwujd.com where apparently someone else has obsessed over this man even more than I have.